Is it time yet?

Seriously? Is it time yet? Ugh. I guess minus the tailbone thing, it's going well. I don't think she has dropped at all. I don't know if every baby does before labor or just when you are in labor. I have no idea. I'm basiclly winging it here.

In other news...I talked to Judy the other day about her coming out when the baby comes. She's been having a hard time finding a clerk to work for her lately (not just her, pretty much everyone in the small town Post Office's from what I understand). She has kept bringing it up about how she's not sure she will be able to find someone to work for her when I have the baby. The more I thought about it and when Chuck and I finally discussed it, we decided to take the pressure off of her and to let her know that she can come out another time after the baby is here. We know she has a vacation planned to go to Branson in June, so she can always use a few days at the beginning of that to come out. She and I have talked about that being the time that she would come out if it came down to it. She can even plan some other time to come out. Later in the summer. We will be back about 4 weeks or so after the baby is born. It sucks. I totally would love to have her out here, and not just for a couple of days. That's why it would work better (her figuring out another time), to know that I'm going to have my Mom out here for 3 or 4 days to help out and hang out. I think she'd like to 'wing' it and see what happens but the thought of winging it and then her NOT being able to come out would defnitely cause some more tears. (It's going to be a happy time when she (baby girl) comes, don't get me wrong, but it's also going to be sad because Dad isn't here to see his first grandchild from me.) I've talked to Mary Jo and even Debbie if Mary Jo can't swing it. I just need to know that someone from my side/Iowa is going to be here for me. Don't get wrong. I know I have all kinds of support and everything out here. Between Chuck's family, the Egert's and all the other families I have nannied. I just want to know that someone from home is going to be here. Even if they can't make it the day we get out of the hospital, a day or so after is fine. Mary Jo and Debbie both know this and understand. I just don't want Judy thinking (I told her as much too) that I'm being mean or a shit about it all. I'm not. Or guilting her, this is not guilting her. LOL. Please if I were guilting her, she'd know, I've got this Jewish guilt thing down. I think this boils down to the fact that it's about what I'm going to need. Kind of like the community Baby Shower in Paton. I was asked if I wanted one. I declined, very nicely. I appreciated her thinking about Chuck and I and the baby, but that is just not my scene. I told her as much too.

Shyt...The ONLY reason I had a community bridal shower? Because my Dad asked me to do it for Mom. I know my Mom. She and I have never talked about this, but I know my Mom and I'm sure she's pissed. LOL. I guarantee you she's pissed. She's probably telling people I won't even let someone have one for me. That's just not the case. The person who offered to have it, understood. What pisses Judy off, I'm pretty sure? Is that Alison and Mary Jo are having one for us in DesMoines. It's going to be invite only, and the invitation is probably going to read something about how gift cards travel best. (Hello? We drive a Camry, we are already going to be packed with baby stuff not leaving much room for anything else.) I hope she understands that this baby shower for OUR baby is about us and what we want. Not about what the town of Paton or what Judy wants. Judy had her two kids and her showers. This is for ME and MY family, not hers. It really shouldn't make a difference to her who has the thing. But it will. If she reads this (I'm not sure she does) maybe then she'll understand and quit making comments to people around Paton about it. If it really does upset her that much? She doesn't need to be invited to the one given by my girlfriends. I hate to be a shit, but things in my life are shifting. My priorities are changing. I've got a family here and we're adding another to it. That comes first for me from now on.

I think a lot of people think that I'll "be fine" since I've been a nanny for so many freakin years. Well, in reality? I'm sure I will...but this is MY kid. I can't give her back at 6 pm like I've done for all these years. That is what scares the hell out of me. It's different this go 'round. I guess those first few days having someone close to me here, even just to reassure me that it's going to work out, she's not going to scarred for life if I don't get the hang of breastfeeding right away. Just to answer some stupid-ass question I may have (and probably already know the answer to) and to tell me to stop second guessing myself. That's what I'm looking for...help!

Wow. That felt really good. That's been bugging me. I just talked to Judy Saturday about when the baby is born, so I have no idea what she has told anyone else at this point. At least people can read about my intentions of the conversation instead of just how they were translated! I really needed to blog about this, it's been bothering the hell out of me. With 2 week (almost) to my due date, I need to get rid of stress not have it added. LOL. I wonder if she'll blame it on my hormones!